Josh Mossotti

I have just returned from a weekend getaway North of Los Angeles to one of my favorite California cities Santa Barbara. Michelle and I have traveled there together several times and enjoyed the laid back environment and breathtaking scenery of green mountains rowed with vineyards and peppered with urban sprawl. It truly is a beautiful landscape.

I want to dive right into the meat of why I felt this was a word worth mentioning. We had heard only good things of the resort on the north side of Santa Barbara called Bacara. It is one of our favorite ongoing traditions to find and experience the nicest of travel lodgings and allow ourselves to feel the deserved expense of splurging on behalf of our worked and wearied bodies.

The Bacara resort is a tucked away majestic maze of well manicured Spanish Villas laced with a never-ending assortment of lush foliage. At face value this would rank up with the nicest luxury hotels we have been privileged to abode. There are three heated saline pools large enough to Phelps yourself back and forth to exhaustion. One of the featured pools is lined with cabanas fitted with changing rooms, internet access and a land line telephone capable of connecting you to an on location dealer of all the liquid and edible splendor your heart could desire. There are three restaurants catering to a varied array of dining experiences. The spa restaurant has lighter more health conscious fair, while the Bistro features more traditional dining palette. The fine dining restaurant Miro remained unattended during our stay. I will delve further into the reasoning as the turn card of this thus far playable hand checks around the table. I will finalize my seemingly paid-for plug by trying to put into words how expansive this property is. The winding stoned pathways are endless and upon arrival can feel a bit overwhelming. At one point we did find ourselves lost from the front desk to the Bistro. We came upon another stranded couple who even with a map in hand had looped through the labyrinth once before running into us. We joined forces and the women of the group charted the path while us men lugged behind admiring the certainty of the ladies’ navigation skills. There are limousine sized golf carts to ferry the lost to the proper destination, but wheres the fun in that? Beyond the immediate grounds, if you are able to break free of the science experiment, you will find you are right on the ocean. The trails lead to a miniature sized nature walk surrounding a series of tennis courts and from what I am told one of the better golf courses Santa Barbara has to offer called Sandpiper. We actually forewent the golfing and trekked just off the beaten path down the rocky beach guarded by hundred foot cliffs as far as the eyes could see. I am a sucker for almost all types of ocean side journeys and the sight of the offshore drilling rigs and scattered fishing boats was enough to mentally step away from the daily world and enjoy not being at home.

So far the hand looks pretty good, even great after the flop. As we all know the game doesn’t begin until the turn or river so you might hold your bets for the moment. We checked in and carted down to our building which set alongside the two main pools. However even with the clearly high percentage of vacancies there was a decision by the hotel to deliver us a room that has a view to well, not really anything. Let me tell you, it is almost an unmistakeably deliberate decision to find a room with no view on this lot. We immediately called to inquire if we had offended someone this soon and this badly to be dealt such a card. Look, if this were peak season and the facilities were booked to the limit I could understand such placement. This was not the case. They were gracious enough to relocate us to a poolside view with a walkout patio that allowed for us to wind down that evening starring out to the ocean beneath the pools with a an overgrown wreath of flowers cascading down the sides of the patio separations, beautiful. We wandered around for awhile to regain some level of understanding of our surroundings. There’s the spa, there’s the fine dining restaurant Miro. We ended up back at the front desk where the lobby was alive with a complimentary wine and cheese tasting event. Don’t mind if I do. I twirl a glass of red mimicking the others around me. Wine might not be my forte, but I can’t seem to pass up a nice range of cheeses. If this had been a cigar and scotch tasting forum I would’ve lead the charge; but, alas that is still merely a figment of my wildest dreams. It was nice. We caught up with some people who did some real traveling to get there: Denver, a series of cities in Texas: oil people, good people. And like the coastal breeze we disappeared into the night.

It turns out we must have been the punchline for a running joke with the staff. We arrived to the Bistro around 7:30 pm. We were accompanied through the blowing tumbleweeds of the dining room and parked at a table with a view of a wall. No kidding. A completely open and barren guest list of patrons, suitable emptied tables surrounded us like a curse, and there we were facing a wall. Brick to be specific. I couldn’t help but laugh. Even if this was a full house, the seats should be oriented towards the room. Mind you, Michelle and myself are no strangers to the most decadent of cuisine experiences and are fully aware of the makings of a well run gourmet venue. Between us and the brick this had to stop. The host obliged our request to be reseated with a less ignorant assessment of the situation. On to the food. Bearing in mind that we have taken the energy of most peoples nightlife gusto and channeled it towards our distinguished appetites the food was decent, but lacked dimension and follow through. There is no fault in decent quality food if you plan to pluck one of those stars you dangle next to your title Bacara. If you wear your stars like a ranking officer your duty is to prove it at all times. This might sound a little harsh for good food, but the expectations of such an extravagant resort is to allow people to stay within the resort and bare witness to what accounts for a fine establishment. The Bistro served decent food, at decent rates and aside from the initial seating mishap the service was on point and very accommodating. The saving grace was a nice selection of scotches. This was the main reason we decide to forgo the fine dining experience at Miro and leave the premises the following day to the historical strip of Santa Barbara.

That evening we retired to our new poolside room to end the day. Unbeknown to us our adjacent neighbor had her Lady Gaga party shoes on for the evening and where the Santa Barbara nightlife fell short decided to create her own review inside the thin walls of her hotel room. I hate to be seen as someone to impede on anothers’ good time, this was out of control. Even before they arrived back to the room in their stupor their little dog reminded the world constantly of it’s presence. Once the bar full of party goers showed face, I prayed for that dog. Loud music, louder voices and no bouncer to if nothing else manage the weight of the door slamming shut as time after time something interesting and necessary was happening in the hollowed cube echo chamber of a courtyard. I could have jumped in on any conversation without having missed a detail. We made the first mistake of allowing the guests the benefit of the doubt and asked the front desk to let Gaga know the noise is a bit catastrophic for human sleep cycles. The disillusioned host seemed to have a hard time grasping the concept of consideration. As soon as the staff party ruiner was out of audible distance the battle ensued. It was too late for us. There is no reasoning with drunk people. Once again the star power of a finely tuned hotel establishment was presented with a ‘dare to be great moment’. Not to sound too uptight, but this is not the sort of thing you would expect to happen in an upscale setting. We were approaching the later hours and I had gone through counting tiles on the ceiling. I was plum out of sheep to count. We debated going over and putting a face to disturbance claims. I have seen enough bar fights to know we could no longer appeal to human compassion. Our only hope was to try one more attempt from the Bacara staff to intervene or offer up an alternative solution. This did not pan out well. We only stoked the fire which then became a blatant and directed offensive campaign where there are no winners. Aside from changing rooms again, in the middle of the night, this was our reality. Luckily for us it was amateur night and within a couple of hours the war was over. We spoke to the front desk the following morning, hoping a sober discussion could prevent a repeat attack later that evening. Mission accomplished. I don’t know if they changed rooms or found another fight, we were not collateral damage the remainder of our stay.

I would like to state this was not the fault of Bacara and I believe they handled the matters as best they could while keeping both parties boarded. There certainly is a foundational problem with how the buildings are constructed. There is almost zero soundproofing of the rooms. You can hear your neighbors clear as day. You can also hear the maintenance crews or virtually anything happening outside in the building courtyards. It’s a problem. The staff was sympathetic to our requests and at every turn they took steps to ensure our stay with them left a good impression. I would also like to say for those of you empathizing with the all night party crowds, as we traversed the grounds down along the expansive beach we noticed a large number of fire pit carcasses suitable for sundown to sunup gatherings, though I can’t vouch for its legalities.

I will close the review of our stay by noting we did actually have a great time. The pools are very well kept, and the lounging areas are second to none. The price to rent one of the cabanas was a bit steep for October especially considering the lack of inhabitants. Enough so that we chose to set up camp at the lower pool overlooking the ocean and relaxed the mid day away in true leisure. The grounds are sprawling and stunning. I would not rate the stay as up to the higher tiers of luxury developments even within the Santa Barbara area, but it was worth experiencing. I think Bacara finds itself in a tough spot. Their rates, although very pricey, are justified because of the upkeep of such a large structure, but they fall flat in some of the key areas including: food, the decor of the rooms are a little cheap and outdated and the lack of soundproofing to allow visitors some peace and quite. As funny as it may seem the greatest culinary treat we had was a little burger joint in the city of Santa Barbara called Habit Burger. If you find yourself on State St. near the intersection of Gota be sure to stop in and try your luck. Their food is simple and surprisingly amazing.

And if you have read this review and became a little disheartened, rest assured The Inn of the Spanish Garden located in the center of Santa Barbara is a wonderful place to stay and you don’t need the resort because of the immediacy of local attractions or turn off highway 101 on Olive Mill road and stay at the Biltmore if you are truly serious about your luxury accommodations. The Biltmore is the premier luxury hotel of the area and we have developed a habit of at least stopping in for Sunday brunch on way to Los Angeles and back to the daily grind.